Be Vulnerable?

Is this lemon worth the squeeze?

The times we are in, have got to be one of the hardest I’ve ever seen and it doesn’t seem to get any better. One must wonder why…

What would it cost to be vulnerable?

How vulnerable is too vulnerable?

With all of these questions swimming through our heads, we must see now just how rotten the world has become.

Oops… I meant humans. (Smiles tiredly)

I lay on my bed as I write this. Completely exhausted from work, longing for a hot bath and a well satisfying massage. If only wishes were horses…

I haven’t lived too long on this earth though, I’m gradually reaching my middle twenties but, it seems the word ‘vulnerable’ has become almost defunct in our individual lives.

Who did we offend? Shakes head.

How did we become this cold? Me inclusive.

I started off with looking up the word “Vulnerable” to be sure of what I do in my daily interactions with others. To really see for myself if I’m being vulnerable enough to create a safe environment for others or if it will back fire.

Sadly, half of the time, they ain’t even vulnerable enough to see it. It’s all messed up down here.

Shall I tip a cup overflowing with honey for your interest?

In Nigeria, the slang word that is used in place of it is, “see finish”. Oh, how I detest that word. No one wants to be seen finish and yes, I get it. I may not completely know what you have been through but, trust me when I say that I understand because I have my experience too from it.

We walk in circles when we don’t let ourselves be vulnerable in our relationships. Now, some may say ‘well… You haven’t seen sh#t so, shut up!”

Okay. Okay. (Hands raised in surrender) I can shut up but, (shrugs) to what end?

I see people walking on eggshells in friendships, relationships and family too and somehow, it’s normal? No, it isn’t and there’s no one to blame too. Why? Because collectively, we’ve all played a part in why it’s that way.

Being vulnerable takes a lot of courage, strength and trust. Now, the only problem is, we don’t know what people are thinking. As scary as this sounds, some people are currently doing this and they are reaping the good from it.

Does this mean the people courageously doing it don’t get scared? No, they do. But, the pro has only outweighed the con in such a relationship.

Now, I’m not saying you should go be vulnerable to every Tom, Dick and Harry. No, because that would only get you hurt. Rather, be able to discern.

Be able to discern who is worth your vulnerability while making sure the energy is being reciprocated and not one-sided.

No one said it’s going to be easy but, you must try.

Many happy relationships are still here because of teamwork and commitment towards one another plus waking up each day and being their vulnerable self.

Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you are weak. It doesn’t show ineptitude. It doesn’t make you small. No.

Rather, it shows that you are brave. It shows that you are human. It shows you are emotionally sound and empathetic. May I say, you are the bigger person when you show vulnerability knowing fully well just how desperately wicked humans are.

I could go on and on about the con’s of being vulnerable which would only negate the true intentions behind this post. So, I shall stop here for now hoping you take a thing or two from it.

And I hope we get to be vulnerable to the right people and for the right reasons.

Ndewoo!

You can follow me on Instagram so we can form a community. IG: miss_ziri and my business page Moondropscakes_pastries

This wallflower writes and knows it will be seen. 🌼🌼

A Dialogue Show On: Reasons Kids Rebel Against Their Parents.Β Β Β Β Β Β Β  Guest: Chiamaka Udochukwu

Hi, World.

Welcome to the third episode of the “Dialogue Show”.                                   My name is Agozirim and I will be your host for the night.                             

(The crowd cheers loudly)

And with me is the guest for our third episode, Miss Chiamaka Udochukwu.

Chiamaka Udochukwu, A graduate of public administration.

Yes! I’m just as excited as you are. So much to learn and unlearn.

Okay! I would like to start by defining the meaning of rebellion. From the oxford languages, Rebellion is the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention. “an act of teenage rebellion”.

Now, we know that kids rebelling against their parents is something that has existed from the beginning of time and as we’ve progressed further into time, it doesn’t seem to get any easier. With each passing decade comes the new revelation of kids with unique tenets of which can be quite challenging.

We adults have in one way or the other rebelled against our parents. How much more kids, growing up in this generation.

So, on this show tonight, we will layout a few points on why kids rebel against their parents.

Host: (turns to Miss Chiamaka with a smile) How are you feeling?

Guest: I’m feeling excited! (She squeals)

Host: Oh, I am too. (Smiles) Alright. I would like to start with the obvious question here. Why do you think kids rebel against their parents?

Guest: In my opinion, I would say kids rebel because they feel misunderstood, not cared for and  most importantly their voice not being heard by their Mum and Dad.

Host: when you say “not cared for”, is this in the general sense of catering for their kids or ambiguous like mentally, emotionally and otherwise?

Guest: Ambiguous, like mentally, emotionally, explaining things to them at their level and allowing them to contribute to the discussion at home.

Host: instead of shutting them out completely, right?

Guest: haha- yes, exactly.

To stay or not?

Host: what about abuse, I believe this plays a role, no?

Guest: Oh, dear. This is a major factor that manifests into other things. It’s a permanent trauma on the kids which reflects throughout their adulthood. Some go as far as seeing a therapist to ease the burden, some will themselves into becoming better, while others take it out on other people to feel good.

Host: hmmm… This is an eye-opener.

Host: Do you think parents don’t cut their kids some slack when it comes to their freedom of movement especially in Nigeria?

Guest: Most parents don’t that’s why kids want their freedom as soon as they finish school. It’s like a burden has been lifted off their shoulders and you see them not dreaming of coming home the first two or three years.

Host: 😬 This definitely hits home.

Guest:  You see… *chuckles*

Host: Now, if you don’t mind me asking, were there times you rebelled while growing up?

Guest: oh, yes. I have.

Host: And how did your parents take it?

I’d say different. You see, I had travelled without telling them. And when I came back, they acted like they weren’t bothered about it. But after, I came back and explained to them that I always felt misunderstood.

Host: interesting, I must say. I was practically waiting for the gbas-gbos (fight) *laughs out loud*

Guest: oh, no. It was surprising at the time but, none of that *laughs along with the host*

Host: honestly, I was scared for you. *more laughter* So, do they listen and understand you better now?

Guest: They do, especially after we had a family meeting. It was a wake up call for everyone to try and understand each other.

Host: I like that. Nuclear family meetings always been a life saver.

Guest: indeed! *chuckles*

Host: ugh! I hate we have to come to the end of the show tonight but, before we leave, what is that one thing you would like to tell parents or aspiring parents/kids.

Guest: Um… Seeing there’s so much going on right now, I’d say, communication. Parents should learn to communicate effectively with their kids in the kindest way possible. Use evaluation method through impromptu meetings to reflect on behaviour which includes that of the parents too and that way, everybody gets to open up.

Guest: I’d like to add one more thing.

Host: sure, go on.

Guest: Being overly strict. This is something parents really need to unlearn. Of course, there must be discipline but, not to the point where kids are too scared to be around their parents. Most times, these kids grow up cutting ties with the said parents even till death.

Host: That would be sad but, well said! Thank you so much Miss Chiamaka for coming to the show tonight. I appreciate.

Guest: Thank you for having me. *smiles*

*Hugs* *Back to the readers*

Host: Okay, guys! This is where we draw the curtain for the night. Today’s episode was quite insightful I must say, and I hope we can learn a thing or two from it.

Host: thank you all for coming to the show! Let’s do it again!

You can follow me on IG so we can have a community. @miss_ziri

🌼🌼The wallflower🌼🌼

Be Spiteful or yes?

How spiteful is too spiteful?

Are you in any way, triggered?

If yes, then, you are in the right place.

You must be wondering, why spite? Why not love? Or even sex? I mean, we are obviously in the month of love. February, ah– yes, valentines day! So of course everything has to be circling the theme of the month. Love.

No, not on here, though. Not this time.

The word “spite” has traversed through actions, illustrations and diverse context. The dictionary meaning of “spite”, is: ill will or hatred towards another or situation accompanied by the desire to irritate, annoy or thwart.

Okay. I know you are thinking, get to the point already!

(Laughs out loud) I will, I promise. Do you know what it is to some people?

Motivation! Yes, you read it right. For some people, it is motivation.

Now, to the essence of this post. Five days ago on Twitter, a certain teacher posted the discussion he had with a pupil in which he had asked her what her motivation was for studying that particular subject. And she said, “spite”.

I. Was. Shocked.

He went on to reorient her values as the teacher he is, but, she wasn’t having it.

Then, I went on to read through the strings of replies from other people and at that moment, something clicked.

I began to reflect on the past. I began to see situations from my past that happened out of spite.

Here, is one of them…

I met a boy at the traditional marriage(in Nigeria) of a family member and we exchanged numbers. We started talking online and we got to the point where he asked me out. I thought about a lot of factors surrounding our situation and my priorities at the time, so I politely declined. I proposed friendship and let’s just say, everything went down the drain from there.

He got mad. He cussed me out and body-shamed me mercilessly then stopped talking to me. I cried. So, I decided to visit the gym and spite every single person who thought they had an opinion over how my body should be.

Guess what? (Laughs in spite) I achieved what I wanted and I got it fast. I felt really good and the next thing was to shut down the internet with my pictures.

Oh, I did. And did I get the reaction I wanted? of course!

People I haven’t talked to in years began to rise like the “Walking dead”. Compliments flew in from all corners and oh, the sinister joy I felt. But, there, cranked up in the message section was the familiar text of he whose name shall not be mentioned.

I had waited for this, though. So, it didn’t surprise me. Then came the apologies, thirsty compliments and calls and promises of doing better by me once forgiven. Well… Let’s say, one never returns to their vomit. I had learned my lesson and that was that.

Now, here is a bigger truth. As much I gloated over that win, I kinda lost myself to it. I lost the natural joy that comes from within because I wasn’t doing it for myself and enjoying the process. It became more like an obsession. Tragic!

Some people have been hurt so much that all they know is spite. And by being spiteful, they end up losing themselves. It could be a teacher telling a student he/she won’t amount to anything and the student swearing to the heavens to come out top of the class, or a friend out to get another friend, or maybe someone who is just plain spiteful; one way or another, you lose a part of yourself too.

To avoid this happening, how about you doing things solely for yourself and from a place of clear motivation without bias, enjoying the process and embracing your flaws and strengths whilst being happy doing it.

Instead of being filled with so much hate, anger, grudge, mischief and spite, thereby missing out on your growth.

But, if spite is what inflates your ego and gives you the motivation you need then, by all means, carry on as long you don’t regret it.

I hope you can take a thing or two from this today.

Have you ever done anything out of spite? If you have, please share in the comment box.

See you in the next blog!

This wallflower writes and knows it will be seen.🌼🌼🌼

Don’t forget to like, comment, share and follow. IG: miss_ziri

Many Thanks!

Life In A Year (2020)

Life in a year.

Hi everyone, it’s the Wallflower again.

Today is 31st of December, 2020 and dare I say, this blog post is a miracle.

You are probably wondering, “why, life in a year?” Well I tried searching for a better title and this just kept ringing in my head. So I said, why not. What better title fits this year if not this. And so I’m here, writing again.

I don’t think I want to walk us through the beginning of this year because it was one horrible grand opening. Instead, I’m just going to walk you through the ending.

The first half of this year came with a bang which left people demoralized, hurt, broken, faithless and numb. Well, the second half exposed in extreme man’s inhumanity to man. People sought a second half of the year filled with healing and closure. Unfortunately, we just don’t get what we want that easy. Some persons did, while some it’s a roller coaster of tragedy and it seems they can’t just get a break.

My energy was totally sapped out and I couldn’t write a thing and even when I tried, something was always off about it. After the general lock down in my country, something in me shutdown. I was hurting and also hurting other people around me. Like people say, “hurt people, hurt people”.

I thought I could easily get out of it but, I was wrong. It got worse when the government thought it right to shoot at peaceful protesters on the 20th of October who, were only protesting for the betterment of my country. I. Literally. Fell. Ill. And for two weeks straight, I was in bed completely down. I will spare you the grotesque pictures of that terrible day. I’m not here to put you through another emotional pain. I can’t say that I’m completely fine. No, I’m not. But, I can say that I feel a little better than I was feeling a few weeks ago and I’m grateful for that.

The fallen heroes will always be in our hearts.

We’ve all been through so much in this year. We’ve prayed, fasted, hoped, wished upon a star and some just gave up yet, it’s still 2020. And so we began to cope and survive it all.

Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn

Dreams, aspirations, achievements and love that couldn’t be met this year shouldn’t be completely written off. You couldn’t write that book? It’s okay.

You couldn’t pass that examination? It’s okay.

You couldn’t get that raise? It’s okay.

You wanted to travel and got denied? It’s okay.

He or she left you for another? It’s okay. You. Will. Be. Fine.

You couldn’t make that debut? It’s okay.

This and so much more you really wanted but, couldn’t get in this year. It’s okay. Tomorrow is a new year and a new day; the sun will rise and we will try again.

The most important thing is that you are alive and well. That’s all that matters.

You should also go see the movie “Life in a year”. It might trigger some unwanted emotions but you will love it.

This wallflower writes and knows it will be seen.🌼🌼🌼

Don’t forget to like, comment and share please. You can also follow me on IG: miss_ziri

See you next year. Bye.

Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year.

Be Kind Or Fake it?

Whatever that rocks your boat…

I sit here in total silence as I wonder just how much bananas the world has gone and probably will still do. The decline in health, finance and heart matters is almost enough for the lights to go out in one’s head and somehow, we seem to be okay. I guess that’s what we call being strong in the face of danger or not.

2020 like I said before started with a bang of everything bad (laughs wearily) guess what? It’s August and it hasn’t stopped. Unimaginable number of deaths occurring every second and nothing to do about it. One minute, you are talking to a friend or an acquaintance and the next day boom, he or she is dead. Makes you wonder if there’s something in the air or someone doing these things. (Shakes head tiredly and sighs)

The word “kind” if I’m not mistaken seems to be one of the overly used word in 2020 in fact it has so been used that it has lost it’s meaning and effect. Now, why do I say this, Something bad happens and suddenly everyone begins to preach kindness. That kindness that is being preached doesn’t even last for a week and people are back to being callous, unkind and insensitive. Quite heartbreaking. You know the sad part in this? We all do it and have done it in one way or the other.

A friend called me the other day on a video call and we got talking then in between our discussion, K (Name withheld) paused and asked me if I think he’s gained weight. Of course, you guessed right I was taken aback by the question. Looking at the situation K, has given me the permission to criticize his physique. Did you get that? “Permission”. But, what K didn’t ask me was to be kind or unkind with my words. Wisdom is profitable to direct at least that’s what my bible says. The normal thing anybody with a sound mind would do is to be honest but with constructive criticism laced with kindness and in the end let the person know that he/she can change their look on their own terms but, only when they are ready and not because the world wants them to. Mind you, this can only happen when your opinion is genuinely needed.

I laid it out to K that way and K felt much happier as we went on to talk about other things. I didn’t go shooting destructive words at K because I was given permission, no. I didn’t go telling K, Mannn… What have you been eating? How did you let yourself get this biggg? You really should pity yourself man! Like for real! instead, I approached it as kindly as I could knowing just how sensitive we as humans can be.

This isn’t solely aimed at just body shaming. It goes beyond it. It includes one’s daily behaviour towards another, the rude remarks, the constant (yabbing) especially my Nigerian fam who see it as an extreme show of affection.

Rest in Power

Two days ago, one of my favourite Marvel hero died. The Black panther. The King, Chadwick Boseman. I’m sad. I truly am. It was later discovered that the Internet had bullied him about his looks, saying he was doing drugs because he looked thinner than normal. It got so bad that he had to delete the picture. Nobody cared to know if he was struggling because it’s easier to judge and condemn another when it’s not you. Anyways he was a hero in real life and in the movies. And he will forever remain in our hearts.

With all the knowledge and technology the world has garnered, it’s still blind and clueless asf!

Well…I’m not here to tell you to be kind to people or not. If you are a kind person, it will naturally extend to others around you and if you are not a kind person, it will still show no matter how you try to fake it.

You might want to remember this: however way you treat people on your way up, same dose will equally be given to you on your way down.

Think about it.

WAKANDA FOREVER!!!!πŸ™…πŸΌβ€β™€πŸ™…πŸΌβ€β™€πŸ™…πŸΌβ€β™€

Thank you for being a hero till the end.

This wallflower can only write and hope it gets out someday. 🌼🌼🌼

Don’t forget to like and comment.

GRATEFUL HEART

A Grateful Heart Attracts Blessing

Hey world, it’s me again. #don’tleaveme

Today is the 3rd day of July, 2020 and the feeling is totally a grateful one. And, yay! I’m a year older. Amazing, right?

I had my birthday on the 24th of last month and it was cool. Although, I didn’t throw a party of some sort or get a birthday cake or bake one (I’m a baker) it still turned out much more amazing than I had imagined. Yeah, I’m weird like that too. *grinning from ear to ear*

Now, talking about a grateful heart, we’ve all gone through a lot of disheartening times and some are probably still going through it which only leaves us being sour at heart and cussing out. Take me for a example, since last month, I didn’t visit my blog. As much as I wanted to just put something out there, I couldn’t. Somewhere along the line, I gave up on writing here to see if I could face other writings I do offline, haq! Guess what? That too didn’t work. Lmao!

The pandemic is still raging on and I can’t even count how many opportunities I’ve lost because of it yet, here I am. At some point, I felt I was doing too much yet, nothing at all. Oh, the fact my aunt died in the middle of this pandemic, tragic! Yet, I’m still here.

I began to grapple onto things much more than I could take thereby, putting a lot of pressure on myself just so I could feel content yet, it didn’t work. Social media wasn’t helping matters too. Then I got all up in my feelings. I think I may have been in that dark place for a while when It came as a whisper and I heard “what about the little things, don’t they matter too?” I literally turned around to see if anyone was behind me. Not. Even. A. Soul. In that moment, I knew I couldn’t keep it to myself alone.

The struggles, hustle, troubles, weight gain, loss of appetite, heartbreak, loss of job, disappointments and the pandemic are enough reason to not see the little things in front of us to be grateful for.

The Little Things Matter

This time, I literally had to take a sit and see.

For a moment, I had forgotten my little wins, my efforts and the good times I’ve had. And, it was in that few moments of amnesia my heart turned sour. The attitude of being grateful for the littlest of things should be embedded in all hearts and race; I dare say.

And, I know you may think your efforts ain’t as loud as your struggles trust me, It. is. Loud. Enough. It’s the one thing that will give you strength to continue and yeah, you gotta start hearing it first and trusting the process.

So, yeah…I’m running with this one.

This wallflower can only write and hope it gets out someday. 🌻🌻

Do leave your comments too.

A dialogue show on Narcissism, Narcissist and The Behavioural Pattern. Part 2. Guest: Perfect Onwuachu.

A little more push and you will be free…

Hello everyone!

Welcome back to the dialogue show!

So, this is something new for my blog and so far, it’s been pretty interesting. Reviews from the last show has been quite encouraging and not to rush things, I believe this has come to stay.

Okay. Uh— From the last show, we highlighted a few points on Narcissism and our guest talked though, a little on it because of how broad the topic is and also for the reading culture of most. She laid emphasis on the effect narcissist have on empaths and how easily empaths could overlook the signs; which, I believe was something everyone needed to hear. I’m glad I did too.

Anyways… Since we are taking excerpts from this particular topic, Today, we are bringing something hot to the show. Something that everyone in one way or the other can relate to and also look out for in relationships be it platonic or romantic. This will be more like a heads up for the empath.

On today’s programme, we will be discussing on:

6 WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE DATING A NARCISSIST

I present our guest for tonight, a Doctor of Pharmacy, Perfect Onwuachu.

Dr. Perfect Onwuachu (Pharm.D)

He walks in smiling and waving…

Agozirim(Host): *smiles* Welcome Dr. Perfect.

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Thank you. *smiles*

Agozirim(Host): We’ve had the first part of this show and people wants to know more. They can’t wait to know these things, seeing that relationships holds a huge part of our lives as humans on earth.

Agozirim(Host): Am I right?

Dr. Perfect(Guest): True.

Agozirim(Host): people are becoming more honest about their relationships and as a doctor, you must have delved into psychology at some point of study and would know some behavioural patterns that screams narcissism when seen…what are they?

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Well…looking at most relationships now, I will like to start by saying that we must be more self-aware, know ourselves in order to be in a better position to identify narcissistic traits. A narcissist feeds off doubt, they typically lack remorse, empathy and personal insight. This makes them more likely to find an emotionally healthy individual to leech on.

They manipulate their partners by sowing seeds of doubt in order to shun responsibility and be less accountable. There is no straightforward diagnosis to know your partner is a narcissist but there are hints that can help us, I will be elaborating those hints as we go on.

Agozirim(Host): incredible! Go on.

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Now, there’s something called “Gaslighting“, This is a powerful tool for narcissists so I felt we should familiarise ourselves with it before delving into the hints.

Gaslighting: is a psychological manipulation, often using doubts and twisted facts to make a target question their memory, perception of a specific event or series of events as well as their judgement. When it comes to relationships, the best way to identify a narcissist is by observing their words, their behaviour and your emotions.

Agozirim(Host): And one’s emotion? Interesting.

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Yes. That’s one of the major things a narcissist preys on.

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Then again, they have words which they use to their advantage like one, Seduction: A narcissist won’t initially give off glaring red flags, they try to ensnare and seduce an individual with extremely positive words. Emphasis on extremely positive, they usually have this charming language arsenal which when observed is mostly comparative in nature.

Example (“You are much better than those I’ve been with in the past.” “No one treated you as good as you deserved, I will treat you better than anyone else”) On the surface these are everyday words used by a lot of people but a deeper look will uncover their need to always compare, to always elevate themselves too.

Agozirim(Host): Wow…I know a lot of people can relate to this example you just gave.

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Exactly! Another one is Downgrading words : It is common to see them make utterances that assert their superiority mindset and downgrade others. They also lack empathy when doing this, which differentiates them from an innocent unintentional downgrading remark people make.

Example (“That person is so worthless.” “They have no idea how much better I am yet they fail to recognise me, they will be disgraced soon. “)You must remember these are subtle differences, you must be keen to observe the red flags.

Perfect(Guest): The third one is, Victim mentality: Most Narcissists even though they feel they are better than everyone else, still maintain a victim mentality. It is easy to spot this out, as they will shift focus of every issue you bring up to themselves in bid to garner sympathy or attention. They really don’t care about what you are going through, they are not concerned about anyone’s plight.

Behaviour: A narcissist knows how to twist words. Their words don’t match their actions and if you bring this up to communicate and resolve it. They will defend their wrong while finding a way to criticise you. Classic gaslighting works perfectly for them here.

Another thing they do is blame, blame and blame everyone & anyone except themselves. So as their partner, it is likely you’ll be an easy target for them to place their blames on.

Agozirim(Host): okay, so you talked about a narcissist preying on one’s emotion…how can one avoid it?

Perfect(Guest): Yes, exactly what I’m getting to.

The last hint is your emotions, if you realise your partner makes you feel inadequate, not good enough. It could be a red flag. In this case you must honestly introspect yourself, consider how happy/unhappy you are around them.

If they make everything about themselves and suffocate your feelings in the relationship. You must be honest, realistic and not in self denial if you are to stand a chance of escaping the manipulative web of a narcissist that you have feelings for.

Agozirim(Host): mind blowing! You couldn’t have said it any better!

Agozirim(Host): one last question before we wrap it up?

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Sure, go on.

Agozirim(Host): Do you think we are all narcissist, but in different ways?

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Well…I can’t say for everyone but, we all exhibit such traits from time to time but narcissists are inherently that way. For them, it is not a momentary thing.

*claps reverberate*

Agozirim(Host): Absolutely insightful! It was worth it.

Agozirim(Host): Thank you so much Dr. Perfect for being on this show tonight. I hope we get to see you more on this show.

Dr. Perfect(Guest): Thank you for having me. It will be my pleasure.

*Back to the readers*

Agozirim(Host): Okay, I hate to say it but, we‘ve come to the end of the show for tonight! And with everything said, I hope you’ve learnt something and will have the courage to break free now from the webs of a narcissist.

I draw the curtain here.

Stay tuned for more fascinating episodes!

Stay Safe. COVID 19 is real.

This wallflower can only write and hope it gets out someday 🌻🌻🌻

A Dialogue Show on Narcissism, Narcissist And The Behavioural Pattern Part 1. Guest: Amarachi Ogbonna

Sometimes, it’s okay to not be about yourself all the time.

In today world, we’ve come across this word one too many times that we begin to doubt if it truly exist. Anyways, I’m here to tell you that it does and it’s a fast growing issue just like a tumour and it’s slowly destroying relationships all over the world.

First, what is Narcissism? A little definition of this word will give you the readers an insight on this particular topic.

In some dictionaries, narcissism is described as excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance. Then, I did a little more digging and saw what psychology had to say about it. Here it goes….

Psychology says it’s Selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

Now, I know there’s a million and one definitions of narcissism and characteristics of a narcissist but we won’t be indulging into all that instead, we are going to take an excerpt of it and discuss.

On this dialogue show with me is Miss Amarachi Ogbonna a graduate of Economics who is vast read and can hold her own on any topic.

Miss Amarachi Ogbonna

Agozirim(Host): Welcome Miss Amarachi.

Miss Amarachi: *smiles* thank you so much.

Agozirim(Host): *smiles* so, I’ve given a little introduction on narcissism and since we are taking an excerpt of it, can you tell me your own view on narcissism?

Miss Amarachi: Well….from experiences from people and study, I’d say It’s a psychological disorder that is learned. That is to say that people were not born with narcissistic character traits but their life experiences and upbringing could turn them into Narcissists.

A Narcissist is one who has a false sense of self which one upholds above others and is also a function of low self esteem. They play various manipulative roles to get victims and they usually target empath because empath tend to care for others and are self dependent.

Agozirim(Host): Wow… This is enlightening already. You mean people aren’t born with it but rather it’s learned?

Miss Amarachi: Yes, they aren’t. *smiles*

Agozirim(Host): How might we miss a narcissist? Oh and from your last response, you said something about empath, how does that correlate?

Miss Amarachi: Um…there are two questions so, I’m just going to relate them together.

Agozirim(Host): Sure, go on.

Miss Amarachi: First, reel it before you real. This simply means that hence Narcissists can see empathy through one, Empaths should always pretend to be themselves at the beginning of new relationships.

This would enable them figure out the response of the other person. Narcissistic people generally think that Empath are dumb so they’d scarcely suspect and show their true character unhesitatingly.

One strong character of Narcissists is blaming the empath for their crimes. For instance if a Narcissistic guy cheats, he’d mostly be blaming everything else except himself. They also belittle one’s dreams.

Secondly empaths should learn how to sense empathy and ensure that their circle is majorly comprising of fellow empaths.
Lastly they should endeavour not to ignore any red flags.

You know empaths often make excuses for other people’s sins. This act of not holding other people down opens them up to Narcissists.

So, to avoid this, empaths should avoid giving second chances. Especially in the sight of red flags.

Agozirim(Host): I see the way you talk about empath most likely from experience, are you one? It’s okay if you don’t want to answer. *chuckles*

Miss Amarachi: *throws head back and laughs* why– yes, I am. I’ve had a fair share of life. *continues laughter*

Agozirim(Host): *laughs* I totally get you.

Agozirim(Host): Well…Miss Amarachi thank you for being on the show tonight. I appreciate that. I hope we can get to talk on more enlightening topics next time.

Miss Amarachi: Thank you for having me. It will be my pleasure.

*Hugs* *Back to readers*

It’s a shame we have to stop here for now. But for more details on Narcissist check below πŸ‘‡

PHOTO CREDIT: Victor Ibeh
PHOTO CREDIT: Victor Ibeh
PHOTO CREDIT: Victor Ibeh

Before I draw the curtain, I would like to leave a question to my readers.

Do you think we are all Narcissists in different ways?

Ponder on this question and do well to leave your comments in the comment box.

Thank you and stay tuned on the next episode!

Remember, STAY SAFE.

This wallflower can only write and hope it gets out someday.🌻🌻🌻

Letter To The World

how much longer can we hold on?

Hey world,

I know this is probably not the best time to write an epistle due to the global pandemic and I wasn’t going to write anything this month due to the crazy happenings, but for some, writing is their safe haven and only way out in these time of isolation.

One minute we were flipping pancakes in our joggers and hoodies, while listening to Pharrel Williams’ “Happy” song then, Boom! The earth flipped. Now, we are running helter Skelter, going no where, but staying in our homes on lockdown and thousands dying. A virus that could spread that fast, almost shutting Earth down? quite suspicious if I must say.

The year started off like something out of a horror movie and it seems unending. Honestly, I’m done watching. In other news , the virus has unearthed the selfishness of our political leaders and some of who see this as a means of gain and to enrich their pockets. Terrible!

Now, talk about the health workers who are in the front line of this pandemic, risking their lives to save others. Truly, not all heroes wear capes.

We must do our part to help save the world too. And by what means shall we do it? We should start by first social distancing, staying indoors, using hand sanitizers that contains a least 80% of alcohol, washing our hands frequently, doing well not to touch our face, nose or mouth. Avoiding over crowded places and having a face mask on etc. Yes, the virus is that contagious and it’s wreaking havoc.

In the end…

I hope after this, we don’t see our beliefs as an opium.

I hope after this, we can appreciate the hugs we use to get so freely without pay.

I hope after this,  we can appreciate the long evening walks taken with hands entwined.

I hope after this, we can appreciate the smouldering kisses we took for granted.

I hope after this, we can appreciate sitting close to one another and just breathing.

I hope after this, we can appreciate even the non living things in our bedroom that serve us day to day.

I hope after this, we can appreciate communication with one another.

I hope after this, our health workers will be looked at in a new light.

I hope after this, the government will be truly for the people and by the people.

I hope after this, we can appreciate the littlest of things we do now.

I hope after this, personal hygiene wouldn’t need to be forced upon anyone.

I hope after this, we can appreciate every moment shared and memories made in the journey of life.

I hope after this, we will learn to reach out more; they could need us.

I hope after this, empathy would come alive in us.

I hope after this, we would come to an understanding that no race is more superior.

I hope after this, love wouldn’t be so far from our hearts.

Oh, and….

I know you wish you had given that high-five wholeheartedly; unfortunately, the clock is ticking.

If the world was ending, would you hold me one more time?

This too shall pass…

#StaySafe
#ObserveSocialDistancing

You can follow me on IG @miss_ziri It will be most appreciated.

This wallflower can only write and hope it gets out someday. ❀ ❀ ❀

The love month

colores de amor

One would think blogging is such an easy job…guess what? Like other things that are worth it, it isn’t. Although, that won’t stop me from writing.

This particular week has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride for me. As a baker, oh…yes, I bake. Must have slipped my mind. Anyways…I’ve had to deal with orders from people and it’s been exhausting, yet fantastic!

If you keep reading my blog, I will slowly let you in on some amazing things I want to do, places i’d really love to go to and foods I like. Maybe, I might even go all the way into fashion and lots more. Who knows?

So, valentines day is almost upon us and just as we hear people say, “love is in the air”, we are already working ourselves into a fit for our partners.

forma de corazon

Breathe.

Did you get that? Yes, I said breathe. Don’t go breaking the bank trying to please people. It never ends well. First off, be honest enough about your financial status then proceed to make things simple, unique and as memorable as you can. Do not go chasing after fleeting things. They never come back.

Let this love also be extended to family and the less privileged. They are just as deserving as your partner. Having love in it’s truest form is the greatest.

viaje de amor

Let’s not forget to give this love every other day. That’s actually the one that counts. Not the social media surface love, which everyone is hustling to get that hardly ever last.

Take a moment to think about these things…

I hope to write more and share my thoughts with you all. Although, it hasn’t been easy. Oh, before I forget, I would really love to go to Paris someday. I can’t wait for the things i’d share on that journey.

ville de l’amour (City of love)

Someday…

This wallflower can only write and hope it gets out someday. 🌻🌻🌻

Tastes divine🀀