Are you in any way, triggered?
If yes, then, you are in the right place.
You must be wondering, why spite? Why not love? Or even sex? I mean, we are obviously in the month of love. February, ah– yes, valentines day! So of course everything has to be circling the theme of the month. Love.
No, not on here, though. Not this time.
The word “spite” has traversed through actions, illustrations and diverse context. The dictionary meaning of “spite”, is: ill will or hatred towards another or situation accompanied by the desire to irritate, annoy or thwart.
Okay. I know you are thinking, get to the point already!
(Laughs out loud) I will, I promise. Do you know what it is to some people?
Motivation! Yes, you read it right. For some people, it is motivation.
Now, to the essence of this post. Five days ago on Twitter, a certain teacher posted the discussion he had with a pupil in which he had asked her what her motivation was for studying that particular subject. And she said, “spite”.
I. Was. Shocked.
He went on to reorient her values as the teacher he is, but, she wasn’t having it.
Then, I went on to read through the strings of replies from other people and at that moment, something clicked.
I began to reflect on the past. I began to see situations from my past that happened out of spite.
Here, is one of them…
I met a boy at the traditional marriage(in Nigeria) of a family member and we exchanged numbers. We started talking online and we got to the point where he asked me out. I thought about a lot of factors surrounding our situation and my priorities at the time, so I politely declined. I proposed friendship and let’s just say, everything went down the drain from there.
He got mad. He cussed me out and body-shamed me mercilessly then stopped talking to me. I cried. So, I decided to visit the gym and spite every single person who thought they had an opinion over how my body should be.
Guess what? (Laughs in spite) I achieved what I wanted and I got it fast. I felt really good and the next thing was to shut down the internet with my pictures.
Oh, I did. And did I get the reaction I wanted? of course!
People I haven’t talked to in years began to rise like the “Walking dead”. Compliments flew in from all corners and oh, the sinister joy I felt. But, there, cranked up in the message section was the familiar text of he whose name shall not be mentioned.
I had waited for this, though. So, it didn’t surprise me. Then came the apologies, thirsty compliments and calls and promises of doing better by me once forgiven. Well… Let’s say, one never returns to their vomit. I had learned my lesson and that was that.
Now, here is a bigger truth. As much I gloated over that win, I kinda lost myself to it. I lost the natural joy that comes from within because I wasn’t doing it for myself and enjoying the process. It became more like an obsession. Tragic!
Some people have been hurt so much that all they know is spite. And by being spiteful, they end up losing themselves. It could be a teacher telling a student he/she won’t amount to anything and the student swearing to the heavens to come out top of the class, or a friend out to get another friend, or maybe someone who is just plain spiteful; one way or another, you lose a part of yourself too.
To avoid this happening, how about you doing things solely for yourself and from a place of clear motivation without bias, enjoying the process and embracing your flaws and strengths whilst being happy doing it.
Instead of being filled with so much hate, anger, grudge, mischief and spite, thereby missing out on your growth.
But, if spite is what inflates your ego and gives you the motivation you need then, by all means, carry on as long you don’t regret it.
I hope you can take a thing or two from this today.
Have you ever done anything out of spite? If you have, please share in the comment box.
See you in the next blog!
This wallflower writes and knows it will be seen.🌼🌼🌼
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